Fuck you.

April 18, 2011 at 7:12 pm (Random)


I’m in this phase right now where I think about things I normally wouldn’t think about. I like this. It means I’m growing, it’s improving my satisfaction with life in general, and sometimes it takes me in some very odd and amusing directions. This is one of them.

Why is “fuck you” still an insult? Why do we, in anger and spite, wish upon someone one of the most pleasant experiences imaginable?

My husband’s favorite expression of frustration is “that sucks balls”. I always remind him how much he likes having his balls sucked. (He shaves. It’s wonderful.) So how could an annoying or irritating experience possibly be equivalent to the pleasure of a warm, wet tongue caressing those most tender pieces, a soft mouth engulfing his delicate parts?

It’s a lingering bit of prudishness in our language, I think. To take it even farther, it’s evidence of rape culture – sex as an act of violence, fury, bitterness, hatred. I don’t want to be a part of that. I don’t want to use the word “fuck” in association with rage and violence anymore.

So as a public effort towards greater sex-positivity in language, let’s start using these expressions according to their true meanings. “Fuck you” becomes a sincere expression of joy. “Get fucked” is a congratulatory statement. “Go fuck yourself” is encouraging you to spend some time focusing on your own pleasure.

Maybe it will help you get fucked. And that should be a good thing.

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Alice blogs again.

March 24, 2011 at 7:57 pm (Random) ()


I blogged using my own domain from 2003 to 2006. It was a rambling, unfocused blog, really not much more than a journal I chose to make public. I didn’t build a following or get a lot of reader comments. I didn’t really care. I wrote about anything, but in particular I enjoyed writing about sex. And for me, those were sexually interesting times.

Then some unusual nonsense happened. Mainly, my apartment was broken in to and my laptop was stolen. As a result, I changed all my passwords, but I forgot the most important one – the one that allowed me into the MovableType installation on my server. I tried everything I could to recover it, but it was no use because of the way I’d configured the application. I’d lost everything.

At the same time, the relationship I was in was turning serious and, for the moment at least, monogamous. And I have a tendency of spending less time on introspection, and thus writing about my thoughts, when I’m in a relationship. I gave up blogging entirely. That relationship led to marriage, and ultimately led to where I am today:

I’m a 39 year old corporate drone with a pretty average, domesticated lifestyle, on the surface. I’ve also been in an open relationship since 2007. Admittedly, I haven’t taken advantage of our arrangement as much as my husband has, but I have my reasons. And it has been a very good thing, in a lot of ways.

Lately I’ve been feeling very restless. I’ve also been playing with Twitter and enjoyed the challenge of titillating in 140 characters or less, exercising my erotic imagination on a small but appreciative audience. But there are stories I’d like to tell that could never fit Twitter’s structure, so I’ve decided to start blogging again. There won’t be a lot of posts. And one thing I’ve decided is that I won’t make a distinction between stories and adventures that have happened recently vs. those I’m recounting from the past. That isn’t the point, really – I just want to tell some sexy stories, and have a place for some rambling thoughts on swinging, polyamory, and the direction my life is taking.

Alice is a character I play. She’s not really who I am, but she’s who I’d like to be if I could risk being completely open about my life. She’s someone I want to be someday.

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